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2005-01-27 22:51:13
Ainsdale noise tracked down

Report by Sue Myazzoff.

Residents of Ainsdale having being plagued by a humming noise since before last October were relieved to find the source yesterday.
A team from Sefton council set out on Tuesday evening with space-age audio processing technology only made available outside NASA this week. The team placed advanced top secret audio listening devices in several locations around Ainsdale and took 360 degree spatial recordings over the period of four hours. The Six terabytes of data collected was then emailed to scientists in the Good 'ol USA who set to work feeding the information into ENIAC, the largest and most cleverest computer in the world.
After 8 hours of processing, flashing lights and bleepy noises, the global grid co-ordinates of the source of the humming sound were printed out on a colourful high resolution map which was immediately faxed back to Sefton Council.
Noise abatement officers from the council, guided by the Global Positioning Satellite system, rushed to the location to find it to be an ordinary detached house. After the officers knocked at the door, there was a sound of fumbling about from inside the house, then the humming stopped and a lady in her sixties answered the door looking a little flushed. After a long conversation and tea and biscuits the mystery was solved.


This is satire, itís made up, not real.
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